Winter 2024

B e Loyal…Unleash Your Ta- lents…Make New Friends… Learn NewTricks.” So says the hat I found at Pilgrim’s Way in Carmel. Winifred howled her approval when I bought it. I don’t know about you, but I believe everything written on hats. Well…maybe not everything. But all of my dog-centric chapeaux seem to be pretty accurate. So let’s see how this “Advice from a Dog” measures up. Which means I’ll take Winifred’s advice and start from the tail end. Learn New Tricks: Whoever said “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks” never met Molly, the newest member of our fearsome foursome family. Molly is a 4-year-old Malti-poo full of M&M—mischief and mayhem. Molly has taught this old dog the new trick of making a bed while she’s snuggled in the middle of it. I’ll give her this: as I finish making up one sec- tion of the bed, she bounces over to another section, allowing me room to make up the part just vacated. After additional gymnastic “Dancing with the Stars” choreography, the bed is made! And I need a rest. But not so fast! Molly Mischief wants a do-over, jumps up and starts paw- flinging pillows off the bed, thrashing bedspread and blanket into a heap. Ain’t we got fun! Then, just as I am getting good at the bed-making boogie- woogie, another old dog, my Winifred, wants to try the same new trick and joins the Molly Macarena.Watching at the door, Barbara announces, “Breakfast anyone?” Molly and Winnie flee the bed, racing to the kitchen, leaving this tired old dog to curl up for a nap on the ravaged crime scene. Make New Friends: Have to admit that Winnie has not been a good influence on that score. She has become so attached to me, that she does not make friends lightly with other pooches or primates. And I am increasingly following in her paw prints. In truth, I find that making real new friends is a bit awkward. Could be because I expect them to listen to me, like Winifred. And if they do listen, I would prefer that, also like Winifred, they hang on my every word and do not offer their opinion.Then again, if my attempt at humor is as appalling to humans as it usually is to Winnie, they may emulate her by turning tail and trotting away. So much for new friends. Unleash Your Talents: Winnie unleashed her talents on me back in 2013. Before then, my golfaholic talents led me to writing a series of golf humor books celebrating our unrepen- tant lust for the links. But that was before Winifred’s talents muzzled my golf dependency and unleashed my curiosity for all things doggy. Winiferd became my muse. My inspiration— the tongue in my ear, tickling and cajoling me to write this col- umn. Which also means that whatever appears here that you do not like, is all Winnie’s fault! I am only the mouthpiece for her boundless unleashed talents. Be Loyal: Dogs set the standard we can only aspire to, and very few of us will ever attain. Almost every book or movie featuring a dog is about their unyielding, heartbreaking loyalty to their human partner. If there were an Olympic marathon for loyalty, our best furry friends would finish the race and be curled up in blissful slumber before we broke a sweat. According to Merriam-Webster, “Loyalty implies a faithful- ness that is steadfast in the face of any temptation to renounce, desert or betray.” Not sure we primates will ever reach that Everest. But I want Winifred to know that, with her as my guide, I will try to attain that exalted peak of canine commitment and devotion. A big responsibility, but worth the effort if we are to deserve our dog’s fierce loyalty. A screenwriter and best-selling golf humorist in a previous life, Mark Oman forsook his golf addiction and took up with Winifred, co-author of their screenplay, “Murder, Misfits and Mutts!” Mark and Winnie live in Carmel with four-legged little sister, Molly, and two-legged wife, Barbara. Contact Winifred (or Mark) at: mark@markoman.com . DOG TALES M A R K O M A N Almost every book or movie featuring a dog is about their unyielding, hear tbreak- ing loyalty to their human par tner. If there were an Olympic marathon for loyalty, our best furry friends would finish the race and be curled up in blissful slumber before we broke a sweat. Advice From a Dog 56 C A R M E L M A G A Z I N E • W I N T E R 2 0 2 4 “